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Abuse case file

babytears's picture
Submitted by babytears on Sat, 10/10/2009 - 14:04
babytears
I was born in Bangladesh
I was adopted in 1978
I was raised in the orphange in Dhaka Bangladesh and with my adoptive parents in London UK, New York USA, Houston Texas USA and Vienna Austria
My abuser was my adoptive father & mother and adoptive dad's younger brother & his fourth/fifth wife

Since I can remember, with my adoptive parents from the time of my adoption in March 1978, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused. All I wanted was to love and be loved, but my adoptive parents were more concerned about their image and the embarrassment that I was bringing to them than my emotional well being. If I was myself, my adoptive dad would hit and threaten me to submission. He was a control maniac. Only he was allowed to express himself, be the smart, humorous and charming one. My adoptive mom adored her husband and saw me as a fake. They would act like victims and often tell me and my biological sister who was adopted with me that we were killing them. That terrified me and again he exerted his control over me. I am still terrified of my adoptive father now at the mature age of 36! That is why I live so far away from them as possible.

Your Message
About adoption: 

If you are white folks planning to adopt transnationally and transracially then please re-think your reasons for adopting. We are humans. We are children who have a history and who are grieving the loss of our birth family. We are not miniture adults or dolls. We are not here to solve ANY of your problems, which I know you have many! We are NOT charity cases and we do not owe you anything, least of all 'gratitude'! We are not a country that you can conquer indirectly by exerting your control over us through your perverse abuse.

  • 359 reads

Abuse Case File

btstormb2006's picture
Submitted by btstormb2006 on Fri, 08/28/2009 - 09:07
btstormb2006
October 1966
South Korea
1969
Florida
Adoptive father and mother

My adoptive father sexually abused me from the age of 4 until 14 years old.  He continued to emotionally abuse me until shortly before his death in 1993. My adoptive mother not only failed to protect me after I told her about the abuse, but she also harshly criticized me as well.  Her inactions and neglect negatively affected me as much as her actions.  I was 26 when she took responsibility for her actions, but I still dont feel that she has fully recognized her role as the abuser or accomplice.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Silence protects abusers, prevents healing for the victims and thus, perpetuates abuse. The years lost to self-doubt, guilt, and shame because of abuse, will never be recovered, however, as healing adults we can expose the truth to help ourselves and others who may not feel strong enough yet to speak about the injustices done to them.  Victims can stop the cycle of abuse and empower themselves to take back their lives for today and tomorrow. 

About adoption: 

Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry primarily benefitting adoption agencies under the guise of protecting and saving unwanted children.  Not all adoptees were unwanted children and legal adoptions occur without the biological parents voluntarily relinquishing their children. Specifically in South Korea, a paradigm shift must occur in order for unwed mothers to have the option of keeping their babies instead of giving them up to adoption. There is much work to do in Korea to change the existing laws and practices.

  • 509 reads

Abuse Case File

iwasstolen's picture
Submitted by iwasstolen on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 12:19
Vanessa
May 18, 1969
India
April 1978
Nelson, British Columbia, Canada
Adopted mother and father

From April 1978 until October 1984 I was sexually and physcially abused by my adopted parents. They both had been found mentally unfit to adopt me but through private adoption were able to get me. I was kept in an attic with no light which was freezing cold in the winter and stiffling hot in the summer. I was starved alot of times as well. I was not allowed in the living room or kitchen except to clean. My life was such a nightmare that sleep became my only friend.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

The abuse I faced is hard to describe and put into words. it kills your soul and makes you think that you are no good and that you are meant to be abused. It makes you feel unloved and uncared for,It never goes away it is always there you just learn to live with it and the past because it will always be part of you.

About adoption: 

I for one do not support intercountry adoption. I beleive adoption is alread hard but when you bring a child from another country and place a minority child in a predominantly white area it damages that child.

My adopted parents were found unfit to adopt me and yet through private adoption were able to get me which is not right just beacause they  had money and I faced years of torture and abuse with no one to help me. I was finally taken away by social services. My adoption should never have been allowed because I had also been stolen from my family and then hidden and then adopted out. it is just wrong!!!!

  • 609 reads

Abuse Case File

kimette's picture
Submitted by kimette on Fri, 07/25/2008 - 07:02
kimette
I was born in 1966
I was born in Seoul, Korea
I was adopted at the end of 1975
Quebec, Canada
My abusers were my father, Leo Goudreau, and my mother Lorraine.

From 1979 to 1983, I was sexually abused by my father. From 1979 to 1989, I was subjected to verbal, emotional and physical abuse by my alcoholic mother. From 1983 to 1989, I was verbally abused by my father.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

My father had 5 biological children from his first marriage. I was the only one who had been abused. Asian girls are often seen as a exotic by western men.

My mother had no other child than me. She preferred to drink and beat me instead of protecting me from her housband.

Adoptive mothers of Asian daughters, be aware! Exporting countries of babies,  be aware! You are accoutable.

About adoption: 

The adoption agency and the orphanage didn't get the consent from my family before putting me up for adoption. They promised me to find my house when I gave them my address but but they never searched it. They erased my past and made a fake birth date to make me adoptable. I had a family but the adoption industry put me in a family and a country where I never fit in.  Now, I have no place where I fit in.

International adoption is not ethical.

  • 484 reads

Abuse Case File

almost human's picture
Submitted by almost human on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 14:25
My name is Leanne Leith
I was born March 3rd, 1964
I was born near Seoul, Korea
I was adopted in 1966
I was raised in Taylor, Michigan, an all-white suburb of Detroit
My abuser was my father, a middle school band teacher named David F. Leith

From approximately 1967 to 1976 I was subjected to on-going sexual abuse at the hands of my father.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Adopted children develop the kind of fatalism that naturally comes with having your life put in turmoil. That makes us especially vulnerable and maleable.

I think it is also a fundamental narcissistic tendency of ALL people to feel more tender towards their own progeny.

Of my adoptive father's four children, all of them biological but me, I was the only one abused.

About adoption: 

On top of being abused with no parent I could trust, being adopted with no history from which to derive identity, and no one to relate to either of these conditions -  add another layer of being an alien in another country, and others telling me repeatedly I did not fit in.  I can not for the life of me understand why anyone would want to subject a child to that kind of isolation, unless their need to be charitable outweighed all sense of reason.

I feel the great sums of money spent on one international adoption could support an entire family in distress, prop up social services to birthparents in crisis, or feed the starving.  There is a market, there is a product, and there are third world countries to exploit.  There is no need to rip a child from its heritage, culture, and identity to save it from a life of misery!  There IS a need to eliminate the forces tearing families apart.

International adoption is allowing countries to neglect their responsibilities towards its own citizens.  This is what adoption constitutes - a cop out - to spend less on its people or to gain money from its babies.  This is what prospective adoptive parents contribute to by supporting an industry that ignores everyone's voices except those with the most money, under the guise of charity.

Stop creating a market for the sale of babies.  Boycott international adoption.  It's the ethical thing to do. 

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