Submitted by merrypat58 on Fri, 10/28/2011 - 19:24
Im 53 yrs old @ I guess. I've always been an orphan even though I was adopted
my adoptive. mom was a high class alcoholic. who always told me @ my sister we were damaged goods @ the held the courts responcible. for a bad match up we went right for her dad was a wonderful man but was scared and controlled by this evil women
after we left home he was the only one around to blame and abuse she continued her abuse of him until his death. a it ago this week at age 87
Dad asked for forgivness 5 months before he passed for not being a stronger role model saying he failed us as a father. Which is true but I don't blame him and never did
they were married 62 yrs but there was no seeded bliss she was hateful hurtful and terribly verbally abusive and also physically abusive
dad left us some money 30,000 yr for rest of our lives mom passed waY 6 months later but 2 and before. she Chandra the family trust leaving us 10,000 @ if we challenged the will we got nothing
she never worked a job in her life dad provided very well for her what he didn't think of going for her. she would demand and would get but dad kept refusing to cut us totally out of a 2.5 million collar estate. but in the end she pretty much got her way
I sat at data because the last 6 days of his life. she wouldn't even visit. her husband of 62 yrs.
I find myself wanting to b with my father so bad. I'm just so tired of this lonely life. I just don't feel like I've ever belonged anywhere and don't think at 53 I problem never will
u learn to get by through the yrs but the loneliness of abuse never leaves even after the abuser is gone from this earth
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You are so worth it
Dearest Merrypat,
Thank you so much for opening up and coming onto this site to share. The evils of past folk is always very hard to shake. Just remember and maybe remind yourself every day that you are not a part of this. What ever crap your adoptive mom tried to instill in you remember that those were her issues, not yours and that you were born to win, to love and be loved. It starts from facing your pain, listening to your hurt, loving yourself and being kind to yourself. I used to think well, I do love myself but then found myself being overly critical or ashamed of myself if I did not do something right. I would then check myself and think where is this coming from is this really me or is it coming from some long out dated belief about me that used to be instilled in me by my adopters and I realized that it was my adopters insecurities and not mine. I still struggle with this, but try to be more aware and change my outlook to myself, others and life around me.
It would be so good to connect with you via our new forum which I moderate with another wonderful adoptee. She is a true inspiration.
Another thing, you are so not a lone. Yes, I guess its easier said than felt. But you have now given yourself a chance to connect with others who share similar stories to yours so now you are definitely not alone.
Please do keep in touch. I would so love to hear more of you.
Warmest Regards
babytears :}