Submitted by mkyte6 on Sat, 05/29/2010 - 16:26
I would cry myself to sleep praying my biological mother would "save me" but she never came. By the time I was 15 my adoptive mother decided she didn't want to be a Mom anymore so I was sent to boarding school, I had no mother or father for 2 years of highschool.
In middle school, there was a man at our kitchen door interrogating my adopted mother, somehow he knew I was being abused by her, he kept trying to peer over my adopted mother's shoulder to see if I was okay, I kept looking over her shoulder to look at him, my adopted mother kept trying to block his view of me, I wish I had the courage to yell but was terrified, my adoptive mother being a psychopath used her charm to get herself out of it, the man left, I never saw him again.
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I would fantasize about my
I would fantasize about my biological mom coming to "save me" too. She would also kick my parents' asses for treating me so badly.
i ran away from home
when i was in 4th grade. i didn't have anywhere to go because i was in the country. i took a great big 4th grade shit outside. prayed that my real parents would find me and thought of the word "cumrag".
from babytears - from me to you
Dearest,
Have you looked for your birth mom? I too waited for the return of my birth mom and subconciously put my 'life on hold' for that one moment. I would cry myself to sleep every night as a teen and imagine my embrace to be that of my mothers. But she never came back for me so I went looking for her in my late 30's about 2 years ago. My story is a bit complicated as I was transnationally & transracially adopted. I had to travel back to Bangladesh to do my search. The complication is that I may have been child trafficked like so many others in the 1970's and it still goes on. But this has not stopped me. I am convinced I will find her or another birth relative/ sibling. The world is no longer as huge a place as I once believed it to be. I know I am just a step away from finding the truth and my id. Even if the expereince is negative and my birth family turn out horrible or what not, to me its important that I just know my history and what happened to me so that I can draw some sort of closure and move on. I do however feel an incredibly strong bond with my birth mom and hold strong a feeling that she loved me. I prayed to her for as long as I can remember. She is the only reason I am still alive today and why I have not comitted suicide by now or gone crazy. I believe she has been looking out for me in spirit.
I wish you love & success on your journey.
Babytears
looking for your birth Mom
I considered looking for my birth Mom but don't care anymore, I blame my biological grandparents for what happened to me, my Mom was only 18 when she got pregnant with me so she was just a kid I don't blame her, its the "adults" who are barbaric to me.
Since you were "trafficked"
Since you were "trafficked" your story is different, my parents and whole family willingly gave me up, I'm not my family and don't have a high opinion of them