Poems

 

Nightmares

By Raquel K. Perry

Late at night, there is no light,

And I am without the comfort of my sight….

Wishing for someone to hold me tight,

To offer some comfort, however slight…

Once again that wrenching fright,

Closing in with all its might….

This is when my mind will sweep

Through my past not so sweet

Each cold vision slowly creeps

From within my soul which it keeps

Those awful memories buried deep.

 

Thoughts of fists that never missed me,

Why couldn’t they just kiss me?

 

Instead, they would always hiss,

Over to my little sis,

“You’re so lucky, you’re not like this.”

In my heart, it’s her, I miss…

 

I remember always stilling,

When I would hear my parents calling…

Soon again to be crawling,

Away from fists, forward falling.

No one there to dry my tears,

Their eyes they would always veer.

They closed their eyes

And

refused to hear...

 

When his watchful eye would scan,

I’ll always remember, in fear I ran.

From fear of his iron hand,

Did it make him feel more a man?

 

Moms’ words like knives forever sharp,

Night after night, she would cut me apart.

Poisoned darts never missed their mark;

Torture for her,

Had become an art.

 

Again, her blade flew from the dark;

Cut in half,

Broken still,

Is my heart…

 

 

As they tore my heart from my hand,

Did they even understand?

 

What an awful fire to ignite,

Even worse to ignore,

Kept it locked behind closed doors.

The shame, you hid, from the blood that pours.

 

Was it too much of a chore,

To love the child you waited for.

 

Over and over the awful sting,

Of cruel words, she would carelessly fling.

Out of the darkness those words would spring,

And me always searching for a safe place to cling.

 

From her sparks of words that came,

Fast and furious arose the flame.

Did not care about the pain,

With my mind, they played their games.

 

Felt the stinging of the cane.

And on the floor where I had lain,

Their fists they would not restrain.

 

I ruined her carpet she complained,

The scars I have they remain…

Her new carpet has no stain.

 

In the court of pain, I would be seen,

Forever judged by the devil and his queen.

“GUILTY!” were the words they always screamed,

Already sentenced, my guilt was pre-deemed.

 

With all his weight, on me he leaned,

felt the cracking of my spleen.

Blood down the sink, a steady stream,

Washed down the drain and so went my dreams

 

Rode into my dreams on his hellish nightmare,

The king always had a devilish flair.

Now, my private world they have declared

Then from his blade came a blinding glair,

Wiped my eyes, through the blood, my sights been impaired,

 

Endlessly they charge, no mercy do they spare,

I never knew for love you must prepare,

I never knew, “to love,” meant “to despair…”

Why all this misery must, I bare.

My life today cannot compare…

Because of this person, I must now repair…

The person I am today, are you aware?

Was created,

By your

“loving care”

Copyright ©1997 Raquel Perry

Twisted Views

                                                  By, Raquel K. Perry

Why does my “family” treat me this way?

A question I ask myself day after day…

Broke my heart with the things they say,

Life with no family is the price I now pay…

 

“You’re lucky to be chosen”, so many people said…

They don’t understand rejections pain in my head…

Born unwanted, placed for adoption instead.

Raised by a family that made me feel I’d be better off dead.

 

All I ever wanted was my mom and my dad…

Twisted opinions were all that they had.

Convinced me I am worthless, did nothing but bad…

In their eyes, they were perfect; it was I who was mad…

 

Confidence stolen, cruel words far from true…

Always told me, “You’re ugly, no man will want you.”

“You’re fat, that won’t change, your real parents were too…

 

They planted those seeds and they haven’t a clue,

Just how deeply they rooted, festered, and grew..

My mind is now a jungle of their twisted views…

Copyright ©1995 Raquel Perry