Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 04/24/2011 - 07:57.
SO sorry to hear of your torment. Thank you for sharing. One thing I've learnt as a grown up is that I need to re-parent myself (my hurt child inside), but in the nurturing and loving way that I never received. And thats the difficult bit. How can I parent myself in a nurturing and loving way if I never received this myself? Seeing a counsellor who specialised in adoption is what really helped me as well as doing a basic counselling course which helped me understand the techniques, tools and models my therapist was applying. Also finding a therapist who uses a method that you can id with, I think is crucial. There are so many counselling methods i.e. person centred, gestalt, psychodynamic etc. What worked for me was 'Transactional Analysis'. It looks at the way we communicate with ourselves and others from our parent, adult and child. Its not everyone's 'cups of tea', but I could really id with it. I found it really powerful to be able to get my control back and to no longer let the past control who I am today...I still am working on this. It is tough, but its helped me seperate me & my issues from my adoptive parents and their issues. Someone on this site wrote that everything their adoptive parents told them were a bunch of lies. I found that to be so true. Children can be so easily tricked into believing grown-ups lies. But now its about facing the truth, which I believe to be our beautiful selves, which can often be a scary place because its something so unfamiliar to us. I so believe that we are 'born to win'. Its one of my favourite books.
from babytears
SO sorry to hear of your torment. Thank you for sharing. One thing I've learnt as a grown up is that I need to re-parent myself (my hurt child inside), but in the nurturing and loving way that I never received. And thats the difficult bit. How can I parent myself in a nurturing and loving way if I never received this myself? Seeing a counsellor who specialised in adoption is what really helped me as well as doing a basic counselling course which helped me understand the techniques, tools and models my therapist was applying. Also finding a therapist who uses a method that you can id with, I think is crucial. There are so many counselling methods i.e. person centred, gestalt, psychodynamic etc. What worked for me was 'Transactional Analysis'. It looks at the way we communicate with ourselves and others from our parent, adult and child. Its not everyone's 'cups of tea', but I could really id with it. I found it really powerful to be able to get my control back and to no longer let the past control who I am today...I still am working on this. It is tough, but its helped me seperate me & my issues from my adoptive parents and their issues. Someone on this site wrote that everything their adoptive parents told them were a bunch of lies. I found that to be so true. Children can be so easily tricked into believing grown-ups lies. But now its about facing the truth, which I believe to be our beautiful selves, which can often be a scary place because its something so unfamiliar to us. I so believe that we are 'born to win'. Its one of my favourite books.
If you ever wish to connect 1:1 please feel free to email me on: babytears1973@yahoo.co.uk
Extending all my love, respect & understanding your way
Babytears