domestic

Abuse Case File

robin_redinc's picture
Robin Elizabeth
I was born in October 1959
Memphis, TN
Adopted in 1963 in California by my foster parents
I was raised in a beach community in California.
My abusers were both parents; but primarily my adopted mother

From as early as I remember (before my adoption) I was subjected to emotional, psychological, verbal and physical abuse by my foster mom who later became my adopted mom.  Both parents drank alcohol daily and believed in corporal punishment. My father hit me also. But not nearly as bad as she did. And she constantly put me down, let me know I wasn't good enough.

My worst beating occured during the summer I was 13. My mother beat me with a board so badly that my backside was black & blue from top to bottom and side to side. I had difficulty sitting down for several days.  One friend saw the bruises, but I swore her to secrecy.  All she could say was, "Oh my God, Robin!" 

Police officers came to my junior high. They asked me if my parents hit me; did I had any bruises & could I show them.  Fortunately, I didn't have any bruises. "Fortunately".  Of course I denied that my parents hit me. I was scared to death that when my parents found out I'd 'really get it!'    

I got pregnant at 16 by the only boy I'd ever dated. My adopted mom told me I was a "tramp & a whore, just like your mother!"

Two days after my dad died, my mom disowned me by leaving a message on my voice mail.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Abuse doesn't just affect the one who's abused. It affects everyone in the abused person's life for a very long time. I affected my children, who were raised not by an abusive mother, but by one who was terribly insecure, who felt like a failure no matter what successes she had, who had trouble expressing loving emotions and was somewhat 'shut off' (for lack of a better description).

My childrend suffered.  My relationships suffered. I was never fully able to accept that anyone could love me.  I still struggle with that today.  The terrible things my a.mom said to me, I'd repeat out loud. Her words hurt those who love me, like my husband.  I learned to stop repeating her words out loud.

About adoption: 

Why would anyone go to the trouble of adopting a child and then abuse that child?  Sadly adoption is no guarantee that an adoptee will end up in a home free from abuse, or that the child will be loved & cared for as every child deserves. 

Still, I support adoption for children who've lost their parents for whatever reason. Every child deserves to have loving parents & a stable home to grow up in.  But the adoption industry needs sweeping reforms.  It must be "child centered". 

Abuse Case file

mmcdubose's picture
Michelle
04/01/1972
Independence, Louisiana
1985-- after 10 years in foster care with adoptive family
Bogalusa, Louisiana
Delores M., adoptive mother; Brian R., foster brother and fellow foster child

Slapping, Punching, Violent Shaking, Hair-pulling, Ear-pulling, Kicking, Throwing, Hitting with various objects (stick, belt, wooden spoon, hot curling iron, fly-swatter) from age 3 to age 19

Threatened with knife, threaten to be beaten until "the blood comes out," among other verbal threats from age 3 to age 17

Humiliation, degradation, physical and verbal abuse in public; referred to as having "emotional problems," told that I was just like my birth mother while speaking ill of her.  age 3 to age 34

Sexual abuse by older foster child #1, attempted rape by older foster child #2 (when I was around age 10).  Blamed for it when I talked about it at 19.

Controlled social interactions, friends had to be kids from our church or a similar church, not allowed to join activities such as Girls Scounts.  Forced to play piano in church; not allowed to play classical music, only religious music.  Television was strictly censored to programs adopters liked, as was music.

 

 

 

Your Message
About Abuse: 

The stories of abuse while in foster care are increasing.  What people don't usually talk about is the abuse after the child is adopted.  Adoption is viewed as a means of rescuing a child from unfortunate circumstances, and often this is true.  There are many children whose lives were made better by their new parents' love and affection.  Sadly, there are many of us whose stories haven't been heard because of the myth that adoption always leads to a better life.

Abuse Case File

mlassi65's picture
Infant Atwell
12 Dec 1965
El Paso, Texas
27 july 1966
Texas and Arizona
Abuser: Adoptive father and adoptive mother, Tom and Terry

Constant verbal abuse by both aparents. Physical abuse by afather until 14. Afather would put us in dangerous situations (example: line us up and shoot at us with live ammo, told to hold still). Afather set my play house on fire (with me in it) when I was five (he needed the insurance money). A passerby saw the fire and got me out. Afather was not happy. I cut all ties with aparents when I was 19.

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