physically abused

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Christine's picture
Christine
I was born on Sept,13, 1974
cheap fake watches
1980?
transracial
Michigan
my adopted parents, and the system that placed me for adoption

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Your Message
About Abuse: 

Children are a gift- HONOR that gift, love them. cherish them. recognize how beautiful they are.

Abuse Case File

synobia's picture
synobia
July 29, 1976 (according to adoption file)
Wonju, South Korea
December 1976
Oklahoma
adopters

As a toddler, I was diagnosed with ADHD and given Ritalin, which made me catatonic. After taking me to another doctor, my adopters learned that I was actually a precocious child who was desperately bored. It was recommended that I be placed in a school for gifted kids, but my adopters declined to do so. My female adopter revealed to me that she just wanted me to be "hers." She was also an animal hoader who kept cats, dogs, guinea pigs, and a pig inside the house as well as a hoader of objects that overwhelmed the 1-story ranch style house in which I grew up. The pet dander, excrement, and dust was suffocating and made it hard to breathe. I was often sick. My female adopter also told me that I was mixed-race: the child of a prostitute and a soldier. If I had stayed in Korea, then I too would've become a prositute. My male adopter beat me with belts, paddles, and his hands. I was raped when I was 16 years old, and my adopters didn't believe me and thought I was only trying to get attention. This situation drove me to a suicide attempt. I left this house at the age of 17 to go to college. (I studied hard throughout this abuse in order to escape my adopters and the racist town where I grew up.)

Your Message
About Abuse: 

I was the child that my adopters couldn't physically create. Yet 7 months later, their bio child was born. They decided to keep me.

The abuse that I sustained throughout my childhood emerged because I wasn't the child that my adopters chose. They couldn't understand why, despite how they raised me, I was different, and so they felt a combination of revulsion and desire toward me.

To heal, I've had to unlearn much of the abuse's wounding and to emancipate myself from my adopters. I've broken off all contact.

On the outside, I look like an "adoption success story" -- accomplished, professional, etc. -- but on the inside I am a survivor who struggles sometimes to feel safe and who is still deeply scarred from my adopters' "good intentions."

About adoption: 

Adoption is abuse. It does not address the socio-economic problems that have made the child vulnerable in the first place, and in fact, it entrenches them even further by victimizing mothers in the belief that middle-class heteronormative families can cure social ills. It is a form of race and class-based eugencis targeting poor/brown/single women for the elevation of white middle-class married women.

In 1976, my white adopters took out loans to pay almost $1,000 to purchase my body. White privilege trumps class.

I am against adoption. If you have a lot of love to give to the world's children, then urge communities and governments to address the structural violence that separates families. Adoption is a corrupt business seeking to perpetuate itself, and it's the children who suffer and who can't speak out.

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rtjv's picture
Jay
July 7, 1961
Salt Lake City, Utah
July 21, 1961
domestic
West Valley City, Utah
Cherie Lee Vance

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Your Message
About Abuse: 

Abuse of a child, especially one that was hand-picked causes scars that run deeper than the soul itself. No amount of tears shed, can heal those wounds.

About adoption: 

Parents hoping to adopt, should be subjected to a rigorous background check, psychological tesing and interviews, as well as spontaneous check-ups, on the adoptees by social workers. Adoptees should be interviewed periodically and underscore testing to see how they are functioning compared to their non-adopted peers.

(Abuse Case File)

jstone's picture
My name is Jane Stone
I was born in 1942.
discount formal dresses
I was adopted in 1944.
domestic
I was raised in Eau Claire, Wisconsin and Chetek, Wisconsin in summertime.
My abusers were Alveretta Atkinson and Mark Atkinson



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Your Message
About Abuse: 

abuse of a child changes that persons life:  violent abuse never "leaves the main room" of that human being who has suffered.  abuse becomes part of who they are, and to me the worst part of it was believing (as a child) that i deserved the punishment, that i was a bad person who could do nothing right and who caused pain toward others.  a child believes what they are told by adults, and their  messages are internalized.  i was in my 30's before realizing i was smart, kind and worthy of being alive.  i was 16 when my son was born.  my adoptive family disowned me, and my son and i were without any other "relatives" besides each other.  i escaped with my son to canada in order to avoid court athorities in u.s., and vowed to never treat my son with anything but respect, love and understanding.  this "abusive conduct" could not be wrought unto my beautiful child.     

About adoption: 

i believe the time has come for adoption laws to be changed, and for the adoptee to be given rights as a human being, from birth.  i believe it is a constitutional right of a human being born in the u.s., to know his or her heritage and his or her birth parents medical issues as well as the reason he or she was given up for adoption.  the way our country approaches adoption hasn't changed by law or by practice, since the 1930's.  why is 100% anonymity given to birth mother, along with 0% responsibility for outcome of placement, whilst the adoptee recieves 0% birth records,  information of their heritage, medical factors, geographical information~ unless at 18 years of age the adoptee wants to try a birthparent search, and then is told to tread very lightly around a "delicate" situation.  when does society "get it" that an adoptee is without any history of their birth, their heritage or their original parents?  

Abuse Case. File

wellsg7's picture
Nursel
March 9 1969
Istanbul
April 73
Pa
Dr M Bodmer

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sylvie
1968
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1968
transracial
north bay, ontario, canada
my adopted father

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Your Message
About Abuse: 

I would never touch my children as they grew up. I was always afraid I would be like my dad, but thank god i wasn't. I did speed, crack cocaine, and tried suicide twice. I give all my love to my children and grandchildren. I have been clean from street drugs for 8 years. Now I take prozac, sleeping pills, i have anxiety disorder, I am suicidal, etc. My sex life has gotten better, but it took years to get to the place I am now. I hate my brother and my adoptive parents. I just want them to pay for what they have done to me. 

About adoption: 

I wish I had never been adopted. Noone liked me because in the neighbourhood I grew up in were all hottie totties. There was no love in our family, just giving things and spending money. Had to read books to learn about women things, periods etc. Had no boyfriends, ran away all the time, tried to kill myself, took overdose of pills, tried burning the house down, etc.

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sylvie
1968
maurice lacroix ladies watch
1968
domestic
north bay, ontario, canada
my adopted father

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Your Message
About Abuse: 

I would never touch my children as they grew up. I was always afraid I would be like my dad, but thank god i wasn't. I did speed, crack cocaine, and tried suicide twice. I give all my love to my children and grandchildren. I have been clean from street drugs for 8 years. Now I take prozac, sleeping pills, i have anxiety disorder, I am suicidal, etc. My sex life has gotten better, but it took years to get to the place I am now. I hate my brother and my adoptive parents. I just want them to pay for what they have done to me. 

About adoption: 

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Abuse Case File

sylvie
1968
chateauguay, ormstown, quebec
1968
north bay, ontario, canada
my adopted father

he molested me from the time I was 6 until 18 years old. He took me to his bed saying if I loved him I would have sex with him. Also when ever my mother was gone he would have sexual intercourse with me. When he was drunk he would come to my room. As I got older I would lock the door for my room, but he would have the key. My adoptive mother caught him and blamed me. So did her parents, they gave her and my father heck. Recently, now that I am 48, the molestation was brought up at the church through my brother. I was so mad, After I tried to jump off a bridge, now that the church knows my business. When I went up in 2005, I went to the church and noone even knew that they had a daughter, only my brother. Everytime my brother got, or gets in trouble it is my fault, I have always been the black sheep of the family. Now I am so pissed I want to sue my brother and my father. I also got hangers around my neck, missed my grade eight prom, because of my brother, didn't get to date in high school. Been with three men, one was gay, the second abused me too, and then my now husband and I have been married 21 years come Feb. 17, 2011.  

Your Message
About Abuse: 

I would never touch my children as they grew up. I was always afraid I would be like my dad, but thank god i wasn't. I did speed, crack cocaine, and tried suicide twice. I give all my love to my children and grandchildren. I have been clean from street drugs for 8 years. Now I take prozac, sleeping pills, i have anxiety disorder, I am suicidal, etc. My sex life has gotten better, but it took years to get to the place I am now. I hate my brother and my adoptive parents. I just want them to pay for what they have done to me. 

About adoption: 

I wish I had never been adopted. Noone liked me because in the neighbourhood I grew up in were all hottie totties. There was no love in our family, just giving things and spending money. Had to read books to learn about women things, periods etc. Had no boyfriends, ran away all the time, tried to kill myself, took overdose of pills, tried burning the house down, etc.

(Abuse Case File)

minimelolly's picture
My name is Dawn
Unknown (Approximately 1972)
I was born in VietNam
I was adopted on May 29, 1972 (date issued for birthday)
Most of my childhood was raised in Imperial Beach, CA
My Abusers were my adoptive parents

From as early as I can remember (approx 4-5yrs of age) I lived in fear of my adoptive mother. She was physically & emotionally abusive throughout my entire childhood through my teenage yrs. I was so afraid of her wrath, that anytime in her mere presence, I would try to make myself disappear or blend in with my surroundings to avoid her noticing me in the room. Out in public, all I could obsess about was doing something wrong & her beating the crap out of me & shaming me in front of people I knew. This was done more often than in front of strangers (which was easier to bear). I had very few close friends growing up. Most of my friendships were strictly at school because I couldn't bear to have my school friends knowing my shame & actually witnessing her hit me. I'd rather have died than live with knowing anyone from school seeing her get angry, start screaming mean hurtful things at me, then pulling down my pants, throwing me over her lap & spanking me. It was bad enough in front of strangers, but in front of people I knew was worse and so my childhood was very lonely. Although I prayed everyday for my birth mother to come & rescue me, the few times my adoptive mom threatened to sent me back, I actually would cry & beg her not to because I was (and still am) so afraid of being abandoned again. But so many nights were spent crying myself asleep just praying & begging for God to please let my real mother find me & love me forever. The 1st sexual encounter and very 1st penis I ever touched belonged to my adoptive father. Although he was my sexual molester, I found myself drawn to him to protect me from her. I'd rather endure his unwarranted touches & sex innuendos because he was nice to me & made me feel somewhat safe from her. My mortal fear of my adoptive mom made me closer to my sexual molesting adoptive dad and this has negatively affected every relationship I've ever had.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Anything/Anyone innocent & helpless, should never have to suffer abuse especially at the hands of those in charge of loving & keeping them safe from harm. No child should ever have to live in constant fear of mommies & daddies that are suppose to protect them. Being a child that grows up feeling unloved and/or unwanted, leaves deep emotional and/or physical scars through adulthood. And even with counseling, these scars never fully go away.

About adoption: 

Anyone adopting a child should know & expect that there will be some sort of baggage (somewhere down the line) involved & had better be ready to accept the responsibility of being a parent to that child. You chose us, we as children, didn't choose you. Don't rob an innocent child the chance to be loved. By taking away someone's chance for a happy life & them having to depend upon you for everything, makes you an enslaver not a parent. Adoption is a choice. If cruelty comes with that choice, then it should be a serious crime, punishable by law, for the adoption alone. The actual abuse would be a different crime upon itself. No 38yr old should have to go through life with scars that run deep because of the person(s) that adopted them. Also, children should be checked in on after an appropriate adjustment period to ensure they are okay.

Abuse Case File

dlhiip's picture
Diana
I was born in Feb. 1951
I was born in Va Beach, Va
I was adopted in 1960
I was raised in Virginia
My abuser was in father

Abuse Case File

beyondfabulous's picture
Lampson
Emerged November 1966
Victoria, British Columbia Canada
December 1966
Victoria
Both adoptive parents

Sexual, physical and emotional

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Ten years ago I detached from my family of origin. With that act of liberation I began to quiet the rage that had roared inside me like a storm for most of my life. It took me over thirty years to realize that I do not owe anything to these people, these strangers united to me by nothing more than a piece of paper from a court. It was a process that I had no say or input into. A judge decreed that I was supposed to call these strangers mommy and daddy, but I couldn't. I was sentenced to be raised by two people I didn't like. I was left with adults who used me as though I were their toy.

It is always hurtful to lie, but it is devastating and tragic to tell lies to a child. Of all the lies told, the most diabolical lies are the ones told to children. These are the distorted realities that are peddled by adults to children as the truth. I have finally put to rest the lies they told me that I was stupid, worthless and ugly, and that I deserved what I got.

I survived and I escaped. There is light ahead. I have new hope for a joyful life.

Abuse Case File

My name is Ave.
I was born on November 22, 1987.
I was born in Austin, Texas.
I was adopted 19 days after my birth (you can do the math).
I was raised in Austin, Texas and a few small towns in Oklahoma.
My abusers were my adoptive mother and father.

abuse case file

talonsaerie's picture
my name is talon
i was born 5/11/1965
i was born in brooklyn new york
i was adopted september 1965
i was raised in new york city
my abusers were my adopted parents

i dont know when the sexual abuse started but i have memories of it happenning when i was in a crib with bars as of my 2nd birthday i no longer slept in a crib.my adopted dad was my sexual abuser .it continued till he raped me at age 4 [the day the astronauts walked on the moon,] it was on tv as he raped me.before that it was molestation and he liked putting strange objects in my vagina like toothbrushes.the sexual abuse ended then till i was 8 and had weekend visitations without supervision he never made me bleed again,now it was my turn toplease him his favorite way was to make me give him a blow job.once i went to boarding school at age 10 i stopped seeing him in places wed be alone i only saw him in public places yet that didnt stop him from trying to touch me.

the emotional abuse and control trips that my adopted mother put me through started very early she admits to only feeding me when i was a baby if the alarm clock went off it didnt matter if i wasnt hungry shed force me and if i was hungry other times i wasnt allowed to eat shes rather proud of this.she had many food control trips as i grew up...putting me on diets at age 5 even though i was normal weight. having no food in the house was normal. my nanny[housekeeper]used to sneak me food.i was so hungry id find a head of lettuce and eat the whole head hiding under my bed boy was i beaten and raged at for that . the verbal abuse was constant too i was never good enough i was always fat i was told all my problems were because of my jewish blood in me[funny thing is not one iota of me is jewish except my first born and the adopted mom will not acknowledge her because shes jewish] another weird thing was the people i wanted to make friends with i was told were not good enough for me and the people she wanted me to make friends with[usually her friends kids]didnt want to be my friends ,,so i had no friends..and the control trips  continued.. when i was very very young i was not allowed to laugh or to cry or to run around and when i did.... ahh now for the physical abuse... shed hit my head with a wooden spoon shed carry it with her all the time to this day i dont have wooden spoons in my house shed also do what i call the windmill hitting shed be raging at me and her hands would be hitting me slapping me one after the other nonstop...one time she was so bad hitting me i locked myself in the bathroom  and she called the firemen to get me out..noone asked me why i locked myself in the bathroom and why my nose was bleeding and i had a black eye!! another time my arm was dislocated she blamed it on my dad but i remember who really yanked me that day..she used to tell me shed like to return me that shed gotten the wrong kid and once i was 10 i no longer had a home/bedroom/even a bed or closet in her home by 16 after adopted dad died she told me i was no longer her responsibility  since there was no more child support coming from him and since then ive had very little contact with her..he took my innocence away she took my childhood away sad thing is i actually bonded with her and grieve the fact she doesnt want me and never will

Your Message
About Abuse: 

all i can say about abuse is it should never happen. but it does .and not excusing but understanding i must say this most abusers were abused. its a disease like alcoholism or addictive personality its often learned its passed down from parent to child from teacher to student.we need intervention not witch hunts .more moms and dads would seek help if they didnt think theyd immediately lose custody of their kids . to become a therapist one must go into therapy i beleive that to become a parent one should go to parenting classes and therapy. we go to birth education classes or la maz classes to learn how to have a baby i think there should be parenting classes scheduled for parents as their child grows ,birth,potty training/terrible 2s ,entering school , graduating elementary/adolescence,teens and definately one on letting your child go gracefully when they turn 18.maybe then child abuse would be a rare disease.

About adoption: 

my birth mother ended up in her lifetime forming a grass roots organization in her state that took throwaway children[usually ones who were severely abused sexually/physically and emotionally] out of mental hospitals that the state put them in and helped them heal and helped them learn how to trust again and live in society again,, then she helped them find adoptive parents ones they got to choose [she got that state to allow gay adoption because  often for sexually abused girls it was best to be in a household where there were no men]besides she told the state if not for gay couples wanting them they would be institutionalized...after the kids picked thier adoptive parents my birth mother held seminars in how to care for the adopted child.

her opening statement was this

no matter how bad their birth parents were whether they are muderers or abusers you as adopted parents need to find something good about them to tell the adopted child..for if you hate or put down the birth parent the child will start to hate themselves or put themselves down or think somethings wrong about themselves no matter how young the child no matter how  bad the situation the child is biologically related to them and they know this means they have their birth parents blood running through them..help the child love themselves by finding something good about their biological family to talk about and nurture good feelings never forgetting what happenned but tempering it with nothing is all bad .

one more thing that i call my heart song when you adopt a child i beleive its a life long commitment, even more so then when you push a baby out of yourself ,i feel that the commitment doesnt end at 18 or 21 or when the adoptee marries its forever till the adopted parent or adoptee dies.after all its a covenant when you sign those papers!!!!

Abuse Case File

ruffjul's picture
Pony
1965
Texas
1965
Texas & Florida
Adoptive mother

For my entire childhood I edured Beatings, food withheld, sexual abuse and verbal abuse.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

It is so much easier to abuse a child who's face does not mirror your own.  Who's thoughts, dreams, mannerisms and passions differ from yours.  A child who doesn't talk, walk or think like you can be uncomfortable, and the need to change them is easy to pursue as forcefully as possible.

About adoption: 

Adoption should be outlawed, it is in other countries.  The effects on the mother and child are life lasting.  No one should be forced to endure the eternal pain for the profits of an organization, the wants of strangers and the whim of lawmakers.  Besides, the societal cost of mental therapy for mothers and children, cost of incarceration for those that are unable to temper their tempers, the pain of loved ones living with a person completely cold are unconscionable in this day and age.

Abuse case file

babytears's picture
babytears
I was born in Bangladesh
I was adopted in 1978
I was raised in the orphange in Dhaka Bangladesh and with my adoptive parents in London UK, New York USA, Houston Texas USA and Vienna Austria
My abuser was my adoptive father & mother and adoptive dad's younger brother & his fourth/fifth wife

Since I can remember, with my adoptive parents from the time of my adoption in March 1978, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused. All I wanted was to love and be loved, but my adoptive parents were more concerned about their image and the embarrassment that I was bringing to them than my emotional well being. If I was myself, my adoptive dad would hit and threaten me to submission. He was a control maniac. Only he was allowed to express himself, be the smart, humorous and charming one. My adoptive mom adored her husband and saw me as a fake. They would act like victims and often tell me and my biological sister who was adopted with me that we were killing them. That terrified me and again he exerted his control over me. I am still terrified of my adoptive father now at the mature age of 36! That is why I live so far away from them as possible.

Your Message
About adoption: 

If you are white folks planning to adopt transnationally and transracially then please re-think your reasons for adopting. We are humans. We are children who have a history and who are grieving the loss of our birth family. We are not miniture adults or dolls. We are not here to solve ANY of your problems, which I know you have many! We are NOT charity cases and we do not owe you anything, least of all 'gratitude'! We are not a country that you can conquer indirectly by exerting your control over us through your perverse abuse.

(Abuse Case File)

lisamruppert's picture
Lisa
1988
Washington State
1988
Washington - 20 acre horse farm
Adoptive Mom

Physical until about age 12-13

Emotional from as far back as I can remember and still continues

Neglect

Your Message
About Abuse: 

I didn't even know it was abuse for a long time. I didn't know that it was wrong. Me and my adoptive mom are not close, have never been close and after many unsuccessful attempts on my part to sever all ties I am still in contact with her. Not frequently though. She had a deadbolt on her bedroom door and hid all the food in her room. Me and my younger brothers were homeschooled. She would lock us outside if she didn't want to be around us anymore. She would hit us with 8ft horse whips or whatever she could get her hands on. She is bi-polar and doesn't take her meds so I have to take that into account...maybe things would be differant if she would take her medication.

About adoption: 

I have reunited with my birthfamily over the summer. I have a full older brother who lives with my birthmom and I have two younger half sisters. One is my birthdads and the other is my birthmoms. My birthdad is an alcoholic and has been since he was 17. My birthmom is a meth user and so is my brother.

Abuse Case File

_raquel_'s picture
Raquel
10/10/1968
San Gabriel Valley
12/1968
domestic
Covina and San Dimas, California
Adoptive Father and Mother

Time has made looking for closure and understanding very old... I am tired of reliving the life I have been subjected to... I would love to just move forward into a better future and leave the past in the past... This has become impossible due to the relentless obsession my adoptive father has with making my life a living hell. I feel that if I can locate my bio-family, I might finally be free of him and have some piece of mind... Until then, my life is spent doing the best I can to get by and waiting for the next surprise my adoptive father springs on me... I have taken comfort in writing poetry about my life with them.

Abuse Case File

btstormb2006's picture
btstormb2006
October 1966
South Korea
1969
Florida
Adoptive father and mother

My adoptive father sexually abused me from the age of 4 until 14 years old.  He continued to emotionally abuse me until shortly before his death in 1993. My adoptive mother not only failed to protect me after I told her about the abuse, but she also harshly criticized me as well.  Her inactions and neglect negatively affected me as much as her actions.  I was 26 when she took responsibility for her actions, but I still dont feel that she has fully recognized her role as the abuser or accomplice.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Silence protects abusers, prevents healing for the victims and thus, perpetuates abuse. The years lost to self-doubt, guilt, and shame because of abuse, will never be recovered, however, as healing adults we can expose the truth to help ourselves and others who may not feel strong enough yet to speak about the injustices done to them.  Victims can stop the cycle of abuse and empower themselves to take back their lives for today and tomorrow. 

About adoption: 

Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry primarily benefitting adoption agencies under the guise of protecting and saving unwanted children.  Not all adoptees were unwanted children and legal adoptions occur without the biological parents voluntarily relinquishing their children. Specifically in South Korea, a paradigm shift must occur in order for unwed mothers to have the option of keeping their babies instead of giving them up to adoption. There is much work to do in Korea to change the existing laws and practices.

Abuse Case File

nikkiv2's picture
My name is Nikki
I am told I was born on September 27, 1969
in Our Lady of Victory Infant Home in Lackawanna, NY.
I am told I was placed with my adoptive family on April 23, 1970 and that my adoption was finalized on February 5, 1971.
I was raised outside Buffalo, New York, first in a duplex that housed me and my afamily upstairs, and my afather's mom & dad, two sisters and three of their daughters downstairs. After my grandfather died, my aparents would convert to born again christianity. They bought a house of their own and cut us off from my afather's side of the family because they refused to forsake their Catholicism.
My amother was the person from whom I received the most crap, but my afather would also dole out the punishment. There were six kids, my older brother T and myself were adopted (but not related). Then there were two girls, St and E, and two boys, Sc and J, who were born following my adoption. My older abrother terrorized all of the kids, bullying his way to whatever he wanted. One time T went to punch my youngest brother J so hard, he put his hand clear through the wall when J ducked.

Having spent the first seven months of my life in the Infant Home, I would need to be placed with a family where the adults had the ability to patiently nurture me in order to bond.  You could not have picked a person more the opposite than my amother.  She could be that person in doses, but usually saved those doses for her bio kids.  For me she saved her hate and venom, telling me repeatedly from the time I was 4 or 5 that I was stupid, retarded, that I had my brains in my ass, and that she knew I didn't love her.  (She repeated the last one following my wedding.)  She hated that I was a tomboy and told me to grow up and act like a girl should. 

She wouldn't wait until I actually did something wrong to beat on me.  If she had a bad day, she would seek me out.  Punching, kicking, grabbing me by the neck, ripping out my hair, etc.  I didn't even have to say anything to get my face slapped out of the blue.  She would just say that I should wipe the look off my face.  There were times when my afather would stop speaking to me and looking at me for weeks and then explode and beat me in a fit of rage.  It seemed to happen periodically, at least once a year.  The last time was when I was 16. He tearfully apologized the next morning, and never beat me again.  I am still not sure what those incidents were about.

My amother was convinced I was going to become pregnant before graduating high school like my bmom.  She never said this outright, but controlled my every move (I had a 9 pm curfew until I was a senior in high school.  Then it was 10 pm.), who my friends could be, and my "sex" talk at 16 was if I got pregnant, I was not allowed to have an abortion, they would not raise the baby and that I would not be allowed to raise it in their house.  All the isolation, control, verbal and physical crap drove me to enlist in the Navy when I was 17 just to get away from her.  I knew if I stayed I would commit suicide just to escape her insults, her rages, and her control.  I had already tried several times by then.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

The mistreatment of children, in whatever form, regardless of the period of time, robs us of being able to root ourselves in a safe, caring world and sets us up to spend an untold amount of energy throughout our adult lives wrestling with the fact that we will never have a caring, nurturing childhood.  We then have to find ways to fill the hole we're left with.  Some can do this more successfully than others.

The foster care, adoption, and child placement industries have priorities that are financially motivated first and foremost, which means the needs and wants of children are secondary.  Knowingly giving a child to a household that has no skills and no ability to raise a child into a confident, caring young adult should be a crime.  If the state has to pay to care for and provide for children because there aren't adults who are adequate parents, and to keep siblings together, then so be it.  It's not just a moral responsibility to guarantee children safety and health, it's a social responsibility.  In a country that claims to be a democracy, it ought to be a mandate.

About adoption: 

I cannot remember a time that I did not know I was adopted.  But I do remember that I was not allowed to ask what that meant and where my bmom was without being beaten and punished.  Just as when I was a child/adolescent, I'm now expected and legally required to live my life without being able to anchor who I am to history, to a place and to people.  Not only me, but my son is expected to do the same, to make do with half his history, and so will his children.  To have to live out my life in the 21st century according to the social moors and resulting laws from the middle of the last century is nonsensical. 

There is a whole generation of unfinished stories with no substantial, logical reason for remaining so.  At one point in the 1970's, women couldn't secure an abortion, could not obtain birth control pills without their husband being present, were still, for the most part, working in the home, and a whole generation of women had built up no social security benefits or credit record.  All of those things have changed, and closed adoption is one of  the last bastions standing from that era.  It is time for lawmakers and citizens alike to get over their insecurities and their need for control so that a generation of adopted adults who have had decisions made without their consent can start choosing for themselves.

Abuse Case File

robin_redinc's picture
Robin Elizabeth
I was born in October 1959
Memphis, TN
Adopted in 1963 in California by my foster parents
I was raised in a beach community in California.
My abusers were both parents; but primarily my adopted mother

From as early as I remember (before my adoption) I was subjected to emotional, psychological, verbal and physical abuse by my foster mom who later became my adopted mom.  Both parents drank alcohol daily and believed in corporal punishment. My father hit me also. But not nearly as bad as she did. And she constantly put me down, let me know I wasn't good enough.

My worst beating occured during the summer I was 13. My mother beat me with a board so badly that my backside was black & blue from top to bottom and side to side. I had difficulty sitting down for several days.  One friend saw the bruises, but I swore her to secrecy.  All she could say was, "Oh my God, Robin!" 

Police officers came to my junior high. They asked me if my parents hit me; did I had any bruises & could I show them.  Fortunately, I didn't have any bruises. "Fortunately".  Of course I denied that my parents hit me. I was scared to death that when my parents found out I'd 'really get it!'    

I got pregnant at 16 by the only boy I'd ever dated. My adopted mom told me I was a "tramp & a whore, just like your mother!"

Two days after my dad died, my mom disowned me by leaving a message on my voice mail.

Your Message
About Abuse: 

Abuse doesn't just affect the one who's abused. It affects everyone in the abused person's life for a very long time. I affected my children, who were raised not by an abusive mother, but by one who was terribly insecure, who felt like a failure no matter what successes she had, who had trouble expressing loving emotions and was somewhat 'shut off' (for lack of a better description).

My childrend suffered.  My relationships suffered. I was never fully able to accept that anyone could love me.  I still struggle with that today.  The terrible things my a.mom said to me, I'd repeat out loud. Her words hurt those who love me, like my husband.  I learned to stop repeating her words out loud.

About adoption: 

Why would anyone go to the trouble of adopting a child and then abuse that child?  Sadly adoption is no guarantee that an adoptee will end up in a home free from abuse, or that the child will be loved & cared for as every child deserves. 

Still, I support adoption for children who've lost their parents for whatever reason. Every child deserves to have loving parents & a stable home to grow up in.  But the adoption industry needs sweeping reforms.  It must be "child centered". 

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